No, Relationships Shouldn’t Be Hard

How a common phrase can be harmful

“Relationships are hard work.”

We’ve likely all heard this phrase at some point in our lives, be it in a rom-com, a wedding speech, or from an acquaintance. I’m sure the person who came up with it meant well, but it’s a phrase that I hate.

It’s what I told myself to convince myself that my toxic relationship was normal. After fights that lasted for hours filled with countless tears, emotional abuse, and sometimes even physical violence, I would console myself by thinking, “every couple fights. Relationships are hard.” It was something I had heard so often, I was convinced it was a fact of life.

Imagine my shock when a friend told me that her relationship was easy. Sure, they had the occasional dispute but she had never felt that their relationship was hard. Her comment, along with a similar one from another friend, really stuck with me after I finally ended it with my abusive ex. And I wholeheartedly agree with my friends now that I’m in a healthy, easy relationship. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Now, I’m not saying that a relationship doesn’t take effort. That’s undeniable. It’s easy to fall into a routine once you start living with someone. Couples should actively seek out ways to keep the spark alive, from regular date nights to surprise love notes or simply looking good for their partners. But none of those things should be hard. Those are fun activities! Planning a cute day trip with my husband sounds like a great night in for me.

Every couple will inevitably fight. But I’ve learned that there’s a way to communicate in a respectful manner, even when you have opinions that are vastly different. These arguments can be challenging, but you should know that at the end of the day, your partner has your back.

Obstacles will also arise. Relocations, career-located stress, deaths. My husband and I have been through all of these situations, but not once did I feel like our relationship was hard. Throughout every challenge we were always trusting and supportive of each other. Bottom line: if love and respect are truly there, you’ll always feel an inherent level of peace and understanding with your partner.

So no, a relationship should not be hard. I realize that it’s generally a bad idea to take relationship advice from a stranger on the internet, but trust me on this one. You may want to seriously re-evaluate your relationship if you feel like it’s hard, because it doesn’t have to be. With true love comes comfort and ease.